MASTER BLASTER DAY 3

MASTER BLASTER DAY 3

9:53 AM JOSH: what are you doing?

are you banging on pipes up there

Jason: listening to the obama yes we can video

and banging on the floor

Josh: okay... as long as it's obama related

You vote today, or did you early vote?

...

9:59 AM Jason: i did early vote

wasn't ever really undecided

...

10:08 AM Josh: McCain... I know he's great

10:09 AM Jason: i voted nader actually

Josh: I voted MASTER BLASTER

10:10 AM Jason: I actually voted for ZOD

Josh: talk about wasting a vote... HA!

10:11 AM Jason: WHO RUNS AMERICA

MASTER

BLASTER

10:14 AM Josh: the great thing about Master is that he's the brains of the operation, but he's kind of retarded.

I mean, "Me order! Me Master! Me run Bartertown! "

10:15 AM seriously... if he wasn't riding a huge mongoloid he'd be like Rodney Dangerfield...No Respect

I'm so topical

10:16 AM ripped from the headlines of the late 80's

Jason: oh wow

dangerfield

ladybugs, best gender switch soccer movie ever

Josh: uh... yeah

10:17 AM "No Respect" greatest single ever

...

10:23 AM Jason: uh.....yeah

best

is the end of caddyshack

WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LAID

crowd applause

10:24 AM so many movies used to end that way

basically just people banging

then freeze frame

10:25 AM Josh: yeah... then aids ruined it all

10:27 AM I feel when they have a cure for aids the first couple of days the world will be like the end of an 80's movie.

10:28 AM Jason: that's so true

and the smartest thing you've ever said

MASTER BLASTER DAY 2

MASTER BLASTER DAY 2

2:54 PM Jason: so Damani and I are goign to start drinking the second the polls open

2:55 PM we should have a competition to see who can make it the longest through election night

me: I like it

2:56 PM I'm in

2:57 PM is it the election for the president of barter town?

Jason: we all know who runs barter town

me: I know who i'm voting for... Master Blaster

Jason: are you questioning the master blaster

ok good

me: never would I questiion the MB

Jason: here is how a ballot in barter town would look

2:58 PM MASTER BLASTER (D)

MASTER BLASTER (R)

WHO IS LEADER OF BARTER TOWN (MASTER BLASTER)

me: MASTER BLASTER (Green Party)

2:59 PM Jason: then even though he won the popular vote he would still burn all the ballots

and say I RULE BARTER TOWN

Master Blaster Day 1

MASTER BLASTER DAY 1: Should be read in Ascending order: Day 1 to Day 5
Josh: YO!Jason: HI

12:04 PM Josh: how are you?

12:05 PM you dressing up tonight

12:06 PM Jason: why yes I am

fo sho

are you

where are you going

to party

12:07 PM Josh: not sure, so many parties, so little time... I am so popular...

not really

12:08 PM I figured I'd dress up like Frodo, and cry, like I do every year

Jason: haha

12:09 PM well I'm just trying to get my lame roommate and a few others to actually get their shit together and go to the Hollywood thing for awhile all dressed up

then go back to some apartment

and get super drunk

while watching scary movies

want to see if I can bring a +111111111

12:11 PM Josh: I'm going out with a small group myself, but I think we are going to that Hollywood thing. we should try and meet up.

12:12 PM Jason: sweet

Josh: BTW was that a +1 magi staff... that 2x damage against hobbits.

Jason: GROUP MERGER

I have a +7 staff of hobbit punching

...

12:20 PM Jason: i'm going as 10 foot tall jason

12:21 PM like

just me if I was about 4.3 feet taller

me: nice. stilts?

can you walk on stilts?

Jason: yeah bit ass stilts

big

12:22 PM me: i knew what you meant

Jason: i'm a perfestionist

wait

i meant to say

dolphin dick

me: that's why I love you

Jason: waaaaaaaaaait

12:24 PMJosh: you are such perfestionist, which is like a penultimate perfectionist

Jason: whoa

12:25 PM now that is true

I write that in my journal at least once a week

I'm so happy that someone GETS me

12:27 PM Josh: I do... I really do.

Jason: would it be uncomfortable for you if when you see me there my real costume is assless chaps and mesh t shirt

and 6 inch pumps

12:28 PM and I'm riding on the shoulders if a much larger man

12:29 PM Josh: No... can I be that man?

Jason: that is a great idea

I was just gonna find a dude when I got there

but this is better

12:30 PM Josh: Is it weird I want you butt cheeks on my bare shoulders

Jason: no, because you wouldn't be the first

12:31 PM

Josh: so we aren't meeting up then?

Jason: no we are def meeting up

big time

and we'll be like Master Blaster

12:33 PM Josh: who runs barter town?

Jason: MASTER

BLASTER

...

12:44 PM Josh: I want to get a professorship at Australia U, and teach post apocalyptic philosophy 101.

my first day I'll be all... "pop quiz, who runs barter town?"

12:45 PM then I'll teach, the fundamentals of bust a deal spin the wheel, and two men enter one man leaves.

12:47 PM Jason: that would be the best fuckin' class

Josh: I know right.

12:51 PM Jason: post apocalyptic economics

a graduate level class

Josh: nice

12:52 PM Jason: mad max 2

SAND IN THE TANKER

the POSTMAN

12:53 PM Josh: it's all about petrol

12:56 PM In a not two distant future two men try to run a college purely based on philosophies of the the mad max movies...

1:00 PM Jason: lets teach it at like

a community college annex

Is It Joyce?

2:21 PM Jason: FREE WEEEEEED

2:24 PM Josh: that's beautiful is that from a poem... Is it Joyce?

2:25 PM

Jason: its uh

i was gonna say some other poet

but i'm not gonna lie and google some other person

I don't know any

I AINT HEARD OF NONE

2:27 PM Josh: EE cummings

bukowski

it might be in a bukowski poem

2:28 PM I mean he loved to get drunk and smoke week

them and the beat poets are all I know

2:31 PM Jason: uh

who was that

fopish one

uh

Josh: the dandy fop

Jason: the dandy

what a look that was

time to bring it back

2:32 PM Josh: there is nothing like the velveteen touch of a dandy fop.

...

2:42 PM Jason: those are good words

you sound like the great gatsby

...

2:52 PM Josh: well, they are indeed words.

Jason: josh you have a new edge this year

2:53 PM like you bought a motorcycle

Josh: I bought 2

Jason: or like you saw a dog get hit by a car

daaaaaaaang

2:54 PM Josh: I saw a car hit the dog that killed my parents

I wanted my revenge, but alas... it will never be.

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moving... The Complicated Suicide Machine

Moving is the worst, we hate it so much you guys!

3:32 PM Jason: apparently packing is a complicated process

3:33 PM Josh: I hate packing and moving... I don't envy you today sir.

Jason: and the cleaning

oh god

Josh: Just kill yourself... it's the only way out

Jason: thanks for the advice josh

you are so awesome at that

3:34 PM Josh: I'm pragmatic

3:35 PM also a psychopath

Jason: :O

Josh: I was kidding... Not about the last thing, but about you killing yourself. DON'T DO IT!!!!

Jason: oh god too lateeee

3:36 PM Josh: You can get through this...

We'll be there in five minutes... stop taking those pills

We'll get you to the hospital

Jason: I hooked myself up to a complicated suicide machine

the more people that click on my website

the closer the knife gets to my heart

3:37 PM here are the tags I put on the page

BOOBS SEX ADULT ASS ANAL TITS HUGE

Josh: I knew I shouldn't have bought you that machine and started that website for Xmas... I just figured you'd never use it.

3:38 PM Damn my giving nature!

... and lack of appropriate gift sense.

3:40 PM Jason: haha

what a CRAZY GIFT

HOW UNORTHADOX

3:41 PM Josh: I know. I try to be too creative sometimes :-(

Thou Shalt Write More Car Chases, and They Shalt Be Badass

Script note can be helpful, when given by someone who isn't a dumb-dumb...

1:52 PM Josh: How's the script coming? You figure out what you want to do with the next draft?

1:54 PM Jason: yeah I think i'm getting it

i'm about 40 pages out from a 2nd draft

then I think I'll go through one more time to stream line

trim exposition

1:55 PM Josh: yeah... I think you need more explosions, oh and zombie doctors who fight space mutants on acid. Or a love story.

those are my network notes

...

2:37 PM Jason: ok

I can do that

for sure

2:39 PM Josh: don't placate me Jason!

...

2:52 PM Jason: :(

...

3:06 PM Jason: I have actually had the thought

does a car chase need to go here

do I need a car chase

maybe a car chase is cliche

3:07 PM but this is an action movie, shouldn't one put IN CAR CHASES?

...

3:51 PM Jason: Is this car chase fast enough?

should one car explode?

3:54 PM Josh: those are all questions for the ages Jason.

...

4:01 PM Josh: The answer is unequivocally yes to all

4:02 PM Jason: thou shalt write car chases

and they shall be badass

...

4:33 PM Josh: does your script have any... dolphin dicks?

Jason: at the end

you realize

oh god

4:34 PM it was dolphin dick the whole time

Josh: Kaiser Dolphin Dick

Vegemite Sandwich

You better run, you better take cover...

Jason: WE'RE LISTENING TO MEN AT WORK

ITS SO AWESOME

4:48 PM Josh: I come from the land down under

are you eating vegemite?

4:49 PM Jason: its possible

i may be eating it

Josh: what?

don't tease me

Jason: no vegemite tastes like shiiiiiiiit

but nutella

oh my

is made from god blood

4:50 PM Josh: it's like two angels fucking in your mouth.

and vegemite is terrible

Jason: vegemite is like

the devil mouth fucking you

and all the people in austrailia are like

4:51 PM doesn't that taste nice

the devils dick in your mouth

and you go

MERPNOOOOMERP

4:55 PM Josh: the devil's dick tastes like evil dolphin dick... That's right there are evil dolphins.

4:56 PM Jason: what

no

NOOOOOOOOoooo

Josh: how does a whole country like a sandwich spread made from yeast?

4:57 PM Jason: THATS whats in it

well I would have never tried it if you had told me it was made from things that can grow in vaginas

we don't eat babies do we?

we don't drink blood do we?

4:58 PM you stick your dick and dick shapped objects in a vagina and thats it!

sometimes your mouth goes on it

and your fingers

but that's IT

and that's why I will be the best president ever

Jason 2012