Religion, Racism, and the Black Knight

Contrary to popular belief, we like to talk about the issues you guys...

12:04 PM
Jason: good morrow

fair botana

12:05 PM Josh: and the same to you fine sir

Jason: I'm stuck in medieval times

Josh: the fairest

Jason: the concept restaurant entertainment place

not back in time

Josh: I love that place. I'm glad they're letting you telecommute from your other job12:06 PM are you the black Knight yet?

Jason: we were just talking about black knight

it is so racist

he clearly goes back in time

but he's still all

WHERE THE KFC AT

12:07 PM Josh: yeah he likes chicken... but he's more of a Popeye's kind of knight... if you know what I mean.

12:08 PM Jason: he's black?

I don't get it

he's really black?

Josh: He's black???

12:09 PM ... No he likes Popeye's better because he's southern... you're a racist.

12:13 PM Jason: :(

why am I such a bad person

12:17 PM Josh: You're just as god made you Jason. Relish in that fact... God has forsaken you.

Jason: noooooooooo

12:18 PM VISHNU WHY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR FAVORITE SON

Josh: you're a jew

that's why

12:19 PM Jason: oh yeah

duh

I love draddles

Josh: I actually have no idea what you are, but I'm a guess... Catholic? or something WASPY

...

12:20 PMJason: Agnostic, but I appreciate the subtle racial undertonesJosh: I hate you

Jason: I believe mostly in ghosts and telepathy, and i feel like traditional religion doesn't satisfy those beliefs

12:21 PM me: I am also agnostic, but I meant, what you were raised?

12:22 PM Jason: i guess uh babtist

baptist

beeptossed

12:26 PM me: oh then, I really do hate you then. Being that I was raised catholic, or is it baptist that hate catholics?

12:27 PM anyway I could never hate you

TOP BUNK!

that's what I'll yell every time I come home to our new apt.

12:29 PM Jason: dang i wanted top bunk

baptist just think catholics are stupid

catholics think baptists are so retarded

something about jesus

12:30 PM is the main issue

12:31 PM me: Oh yeah, we put emphasis on different parts of the same book or something

Jason: the same book written by dudes thousands of years ago who were trying to explain why people do bad things

My Meth Lab is on Fire...

We get tired you guys...

1:05 PM

Josh: hey stompy

Jason: hey

uh

stompy

no wait

shit

Josh: you got nothing

Jason: :(

1:06 PM Josh: hey buck up classy gent

1:08 PM Jason: aw ok

happy stomp

Josh: that never gets old

1:12 PM Jason: ever

EVER

1:15 PM Josh: you busy up there today?

1:18 PM Jason: eh I've been doing some shit

1:19 PM and just trying to hustle it out

not because I care

but because I want to get back to my fan fiction

1:20 PM Josh: I hear that. I'm your # 1 fan fic fan... That Charles in Charge: Charles/Buddy fic is amazing

Jason: the mars adventure one?

yeah I'm proud of that one

1:21 PM Josh: OMG my FAV

1:22 PM or is that fave... anyway I love it.

Jason: ok good

FAVVVVVV

1:27 PM Josh: you are a fantastic fan fic writer

1:30 PM Jason: i try so hard

god damn i'm so tired

arhghhhhhhhhh

Josh: drink some coffee

or shoot some meth into your eyeball

1:31 PM Jason: but its so hot outside josh

so hot

meth is a good idea

i've never done it in my eyeball!

Josh: it'll wake you up.

Jason: ok gonna cook some meth

Josh: believe you me

Jason: brb

...

1:38 PM Jason: ok josh

1:39 PM my meth lab is on fire

suggestions

?

1:40 PM Josh: Do you have a fire extinguisher?

spray it into a bag and huff that...

Jason: i may have used the extinguisher to create the lab itself

Josh: it will fuck you up and you'll forget about the fire.

Jason: flames are on the alls now

1:41 PM walls

i'll take more meth

will that help

Josh: of course.

i'll call 911

1:42 PM you try and calm down.

Jason: ok

i'm tripping ballllls

1:43 PM Josh: did another one of your labs blow up this morning, maybe by the 405?

...

1:56 PM Jason: uh

uhhhhhhhhhhh

who's asking

1:58 PM Josh: not the police who are monitoring this IM with me... I mean not monitoring.

1:59 PM Jason: ok i've got good news and bad news

the good news is the fire is out

the bad news is I had to mix the water supply with all the on fire drugs to put it out

Josh: what!

2:00 PM Jason: sorry

I'm high as shit!

Josh: but I am so tired... and want to get high too.

2:01 PM oh well I'll just cook up a batch down here

Jason: ok

high five stomp

GAWD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Election Night Coverage

9:21 PM

Jason: HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIT

Josh: I know!!!!!!!!!

this is crazy

My dad just moved out of the country

Jason: hahah

9:22 PM dude my brothers were just like

hey what are you doing tonight

I said, watching the historic election

and all I got was

"?"

Josh: jesus

9:23 PM My dad was giving me so much shit today about how fucked we are if Obama wins. So I guess we're fucked.

Jason: haha

9:27 PM Josh: cue McCain's death in

5

4

3

9:28 PM 2

1

awwwwwwwwww

9:30 PM Sarah Palin would have been the worst VP and female role model in the history of the world

9:33 PM Jason: haha

yeah

she would have

Josh: seriously though... little girls would have looked up to a retard.

9:34 PM I am so happy right now

9:35 PM America didn't let me down... for once!

Jason: i can't stop smiling

seriously

Josh: I am the same way

this is really a great time

well, except for how fucked the country is

Jason: i have hope in my country again

i'm probably gonna cry during his speech

like a BIG GIRL

9:36 PM hahahaha

Josh: we have a lot of work my friend

and yes I'm crying thinking about you crying

...

9:46 PM Josh: Brian Williams just said "the first use of the 'M' word", but I was only half paying attention, and it seemed like a pregnant pause before he said "mandate".

9:48 PM Jason: haha

GRAVITAS

...

10:16 PM Jason: GAWD BLESS AMERICA

10:17 PM Josh: INDEED SIR!

Obama is so awesome

we have a president that can actually talk

I am so happy

maybe Europe will like us again

10:18 PM probably not... but maybe!

Kudos Bars, Astronauts, and the Cruel Nature of the Universe

Jason and Josh like Space and Astronauts... and making up commercials for stuff.

11:43 AM

Jason: In an ideal world we would make the short where the astronaut's stranded for 5 minutes with a box of kudos and kills himself trying to get to them...

and then I could read all the people talking about how delicious kudos are in the youtube comments

11:48 AM Josh: I love that short idea. Who doesn't love delicious Kudos... That would be quite a conundrum.

11:49 AM Jason: they are all like "Josh we will pick you up in literally 5 minutes, DO NOT TAKE OFF YOUR HELMET TO TRY AND EAT KUDOS"

Josh: BUT I AM SO HUNGRY

11:50 AM I haven't eaten in like 30 minutes

Jason: Josh you can eat Kudos when we get back on the shuttle

Just WAIT 4 AND A HALF MORE MINUTES

Josh: Man, I'm hungry

I can't wait! Let me just unbuckle this...

11:51 AM Jason: oh noooooooooooooo

Josh: Turn this valve here...

Jason: we lose more astronauts that way

Josh: Hold my breath like so....and

Jason: haha

I like him doing the work in his head

about how he will do it

11:52 AM it makes perfect sense

I can hold my breath and eat...
3:50 PM

Josh: I WANT A KUDOS SOOOOO BBBBBAAAAAAADDDDDD!!!!!!!!!

3:51 PM Jason: JOSH NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo

pishhhh yum!

FRRRRRROZEN

3:52 PM Josh: Josh's corpse floats through the infinite abyss of space

3:53 PM Jason: a silent reminder of the cruel nature of the universe

fate cares not of love or family, race creed or religion

death comes to everyman

BROUGHT TO YOU BY KUDOS

CRUNCH INTO ONE TODAY

3:56 PM Josh: Kudos and Hoover Vacuums... The only Vacuums that rival the Vacuum of Space... Try us and you'll see! We SUCK HARD!

3:58 PM Jason: is the meaningless of exsistence represented in the slowly dying warmth of the universe getting you down?

then EAT A KUDOS

4:00 PM Josh: Kudos: Fueling Innovation

Jason: I like the vacuum of space

4:01 PM Josh: I like vacuums in space

Jason: IS THE DIRT ON YOUR FLOORS LEAVING YOU COLDER THEN ABSOLUTE ZERO?

Josh: YES!

BUT HOW COULD I EVER FIX IT??? (confused look)

Jason: WELL FIRST YOU SHOULD KNOW NOTHING IS COLDER THEN ABSOLUTE ZERO

4:02 PM THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE WITH PHYSICS

Josh: ??????? (more confused)(head scratch)

(Drooling)

Jason: SECOND, BUY A HOOVER VACCUM 7000SP, WHOSE SUCKING POWER RIVALS THAT OF A QUANTUM SINGULARITY

4:03 PM AND BANISH ALL OF YOUR DIRT TO THE HYPOTHETICAL PARALLEL DIMENSION THAT EXISTS BEYOND THE EVENT HORIZON OF A BLACK HOLE

MASTER BLASTER DAY 5

MASTER BLASTER DAY 5: Should be read in Ascending order: Day 1 to Day 5

4:28 PM Josh: I think I just found Blaster

Jason: :O

4:29 PM Josh: He works in transpo and is sitting by a computer and eating a banana

Jason: WHAT

Josh: he's scary

Jason: SHOCK STOMP

Josh: nice

Jason: does he know how to use a computer?

or is he just like

4:30 PM GRAHJosh: he is just eating and staring at me

now he's punching the monitor

oh shit he's coming at me

4:31 PM owwwwwwwwwww

he put me on his back

now, I run barter town

Jason: oh god

4:32 PM RUN JOSH

oh wait

now you're master

sweet!

MASTER BLASTER DAY 4

MASTER BLASTER DAY 4
Jason: Master Blaster got .02% of the vote

in California

1:41 PM Josh: Boo Hiss!!! they will feel his wrath

Jason: at least he was relected in barter town

Josh: true

So... How long do you think it took for Michelle to throw her husband down and be like, " I want to fuck the President."?

1:42 PM Jason: i imagine it happened last night

OH MR PRESIDENT

1:43 PM Josh: she totally called him mr. president

Jason: right after the speech

in the car back to the hotel

Josh: that's my thought

I know I'd bang my wife right away

Jason: i mean that is the hottest way it could go

in my mind

just like

celebrations all around

the lights of the city passing by

mmm

Josh: first AA president sex...crazy!

1:44 PM Jason: michele hikes up her skirt, she's been waiting for this all night....

oh god I'm about to write fan fiction

stoooooop

MASTER BLASTER DAY 3

MASTER BLASTER DAY 3

9:53 AM JOSH: what are you doing?

are you banging on pipes up there

Jason: listening to the obama yes we can video

and banging on the floor

Josh: okay... as long as it's obama related

You vote today, or did you early vote?

...

9:59 AM Jason: i did early vote

wasn't ever really undecided

...

10:08 AM Josh: McCain... I know he's great

10:09 AM Jason: i voted nader actually

Josh: I voted MASTER BLASTER

10:10 AM Jason: I actually voted for ZOD

Josh: talk about wasting a vote... HA!

10:11 AM Jason: WHO RUNS AMERICA

MASTER

BLASTER

10:14 AM Josh: the great thing about Master is that he's the brains of the operation, but he's kind of retarded.

I mean, "Me order! Me Master! Me run Bartertown! "

10:15 AM seriously... if he wasn't riding a huge mongoloid he'd be like Rodney Dangerfield...No Respect

I'm so topical

10:16 AM ripped from the headlines of the late 80's

Jason: oh wow

dangerfield

ladybugs, best gender switch soccer movie ever

Josh: uh... yeah

10:17 AM "No Respect" greatest single ever

...

10:23 AM Jason: uh.....yeah

best

is the end of caddyshack

WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LAID

crowd applause

10:24 AM so many movies used to end that way

basically just people banging

then freeze frame

10:25 AM Josh: yeah... then aids ruined it all

10:27 AM I feel when they have a cure for aids the first couple of days the world will be like the end of an 80's movie.

10:28 AM Jason: that's so true

and the smartest thing you've ever said

MASTER BLASTER DAY 2

MASTER BLASTER DAY 2

2:54 PM Jason: so Damani and I are goign to start drinking the second the polls open

2:55 PM we should have a competition to see who can make it the longest through election night

me: I like it

2:56 PM I'm in

2:57 PM is it the election for the president of barter town?

Jason: we all know who runs barter town

me: I know who i'm voting for... Master Blaster

Jason: are you questioning the master blaster

ok good

me: never would I questiion the MB

Jason: here is how a ballot in barter town would look

2:58 PM MASTER BLASTER (D)

MASTER BLASTER (R)

WHO IS LEADER OF BARTER TOWN (MASTER BLASTER)

me: MASTER BLASTER (Green Party)

2:59 PM Jason: then even though he won the popular vote he would still burn all the ballots

and say I RULE BARTER TOWN

Master Blaster Day 1

MASTER BLASTER DAY 1: Should be read in Ascending order: Day 1 to Day 5
Josh: YO!Jason: HI

12:04 PM Josh: how are you?

12:05 PM you dressing up tonight

12:06 PM Jason: why yes I am

fo sho

are you

where are you going

to party

12:07 PM Josh: not sure, so many parties, so little time... I am so popular...

not really

12:08 PM I figured I'd dress up like Frodo, and cry, like I do every year

Jason: haha

12:09 PM well I'm just trying to get my lame roommate and a few others to actually get their shit together and go to the Hollywood thing for awhile all dressed up

then go back to some apartment

and get super drunk

while watching scary movies

want to see if I can bring a +111111111

12:11 PM Josh: I'm going out with a small group myself, but I think we are going to that Hollywood thing. we should try and meet up.

12:12 PM Jason: sweet

Josh: BTW was that a +1 magi staff... that 2x damage against hobbits.

Jason: GROUP MERGER

I have a +7 staff of hobbit punching

...

12:20 PM Jason: i'm going as 10 foot tall jason

12:21 PM like

just me if I was about 4.3 feet taller

me: nice. stilts?

can you walk on stilts?

Jason: yeah bit ass stilts

big

12:22 PM me: i knew what you meant

Jason: i'm a perfestionist

wait

i meant to say

dolphin dick

me: that's why I love you

Jason: waaaaaaaaaait

12:24 PMJosh: you are such perfestionist, which is like a penultimate perfectionist

Jason: whoa

12:25 PM now that is true

I write that in my journal at least once a week

I'm so happy that someone GETS me

12:27 PM Josh: I do... I really do.

Jason: would it be uncomfortable for you if when you see me there my real costume is assless chaps and mesh t shirt

and 6 inch pumps

12:28 PM and I'm riding on the shoulders if a much larger man

12:29 PM Josh: No... can I be that man?

Jason: that is a great idea

I was just gonna find a dude when I got there

but this is better

12:30 PM Josh: Is it weird I want you butt cheeks on my bare shoulders

Jason: no, because you wouldn't be the first

12:31 PM

Josh: so we aren't meeting up then?

Jason: no we are def meeting up

big time

and we'll be like Master Blaster

12:33 PM Josh: who runs barter town?

Jason: MASTER

BLASTER

...

12:44 PM Josh: I want to get a professorship at Australia U, and teach post apocalyptic philosophy 101.

my first day I'll be all... "pop quiz, who runs barter town?"

12:45 PM then I'll teach, the fundamentals of bust a deal spin the wheel, and two men enter one man leaves.

12:47 PM Jason: that would be the best fuckin' class

Josh: I know right.

12:51 PM Jason: post apocalyptic economics

a graduate level class

Josh: nice

12:52 PM Jason: mad max 2

SAND IN THE TANKER

the POSTMAN

12:53 PM Josh: it's all about petrol

12:56 PM In a not two distant future two men try to run a college purely based on philosophies of the the mad max movies...

1:00 PM Jason: lets teach it at like

a community college annex

Is It Joyce?

2:21 PM Jason: FREE WEEEEEED

2:24 PM Josh: that's beautiful is that from a poem... Is it Joyce?

2:25 PM

Jason: its uh

i was gonna say some other poet

but i'm not gonna lie and google some other person

I don't know any

I AINT HEARD OF NONE

2:27 PM Josh: EE cummings

bukowski

it might be in a bukowski poem

2:28 PM I mean he loved to get drunk and smoke week

them and the beat poets are all I know

2:31 PM Jason: uh

who was that

fopish one

uh

Josh: the dandy fop

Jason: the dandy

what a look that was

time to bring it back

2:32 PM Josh: there is nothing like the velveteen touch of a dandy fop.

...

2:42 PM Jason: those are good words

you sound like the great gatsby

...

2:52 PM Josh: well, they are indeed words.

Jason: josh you have a new edge this year

2:53 PM like you bought a motorcycle

Josh: I bought 2

Jason: or like you saw a dog get hit by a car

daaaaaaaang

2:54 PM Josh: I saw a car hit the dog that killed my parents

I wanted my revenge, but alas... it will never be.

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moving... The Complicated Suicide Machine

Moving is the worst, we hate it so much you guys!

3:32 PM Jason: apparently packing is a complicated process

3:33 PM Josh: I hate packing and moving... I don't envy you today sir.

Jason: and the cleaning

oh god

Josh: Just kill yourself... it's the only way out

Jason: thanks for the advice josh

you are so awesome at that

3:34 PM Josh: I'm pragmatic

3:35 PM also a psychopath

Jason: :O

Josh: I was kidding... Not about the last thing, but about you killing yourself. DON'T DO IT!!!!

Jason: oh god too lateeee

3:36 PM Josh: You can get through this...

We'll be there in five minutes... stop taking those pills

We'll get you to the hospital

Jason: I hooked myself up to a complicated suicide machine

the more people that click on my website

the closer the knife gets to my heart

3:37 PM here are the tags I put on the page

BOOBS SEX ADULT ASS ANAL TITS HUGE

Josh: I knew I shouldn't have bought you that machine and started that website for Xmas... I just figured you'd never use it.

3:38 PM Damn my giving nature!

... and lack of appropriate gift sense.

3:40 PM Jason: haha

what a CRAZY GIFT

HOW UNORTHADOX

3:41 PM Josh: I know. I try to be too creative sometimes :-(