FAT GIRLS FEELINGS DON'T MATTER....IT'S AN INVERSE RELATIONSHIP

2:05 PM Jason: EAT A GOD DAMN COOKIE

2:06 PM Josh: You know you want to fatty.

Their individually wrapped.

Jason: haha

YOU ARE A BIGGER THEN AVERAGE GIRL

I'M GOING TO FORCE YOU TO FEEL BAD FOR SAYING NO TO THIS

OF COURSE YOU WOULD WANT ONE FATTY FAT

2:08 PM Josh: Fat girl's feeling don't matter

they are less attractive then other girls

2:09 PM those attractive girls feeling do matter

Jason: it is an inverse relationship

the fatter you are

the less emotions you feel

it's science

that's why sad people get so fat

Josh: I think we should be published

Jason: haha

like that 8 year old with the romance book

on the cover we would wear lab coats

and would be looking at beakers

Josh: Even if we're not published, I'm going to make people call me doctor.

Dumb Dumb tried to engage you in conversation again.

Jason: that was a close one

thank god he doesn't understand caveputers

2:13 PM Josh: bested by caveputers again.

he doesn't know EXACTLY what you're laughing at, but deep down he knows it's him

2:14 PM Jason: yeah I think he probably has lots of experience with people laughing at unexplained things directly before and after he leaves and area

2:16 PM watching him work makes me feel like how I feel when those really awkward scenes happen in "the office"

like I can't watch most of it, but ultimately I am entertained

...

3:37 PM Jason: I'm just going to leave at 4

will this be noticed?I'm checking in with you

doctor

3:38 PM Josh: Well doctor, in my professional opinion... probably not.

sciencey stuff

blurg

BEGGING FOR IT! RATED IM for IMMATURE

DUE TO IT'S GRAPHIC NATURE THIS POST IS NOT FOR KIDS OR OUR MOMS!!!
Josh: Jason remember tomorrow, since it's your going away breakfast for PB, you need to get a ton of hard boiled eggs to go.

3:02 PMJason: I WOULD LIKE 500 PANCAKES

...

3:20 PMJosh: Also 800 hard boiled eggs... oh, and sixteen pounds of bacon...frozen.

Jason: HERE JUST LET ME BACK MY TRUCK UP TO THE STORE

3:21 PMTHANKS GUYS, THIS MAKES IMPENDING UNEMPLOYMENT A LOT LESS PAINFUL

...

3:34 PMJason: josh I'm going to send you a picture

Josh: k

3:36 PMAWESOME!!!

Jason: YAY

Josh: I love it!

Jason: I knew you would

3:37 PMJosh: I'ma make a wall mural out of that for a going away present for you.

3:39 PMJason: that would be wonderful

a tear inducing send off

3:40 PMJosh: Only if I can make his dolphin dick more prominent.

3:42 PMJason: uh

uhhhh

wouldn't it be weird if they had cock and balls like humans do

3:43 PManother fun thing to think about, there as been GENERATIONS of humans that thing the human cock looks the way it does naturally

to the point that if some chicks see a normal one they are scared of it

3:45 PMdolphin dicks are just kinda squigly things

strange alien apendages

dog dicks look like lipstick

I guess horse cock looks kinda like human

do chickens have cocks?

...

4:03 PMJosh: You are like a pandoras box today... of dicks...

and cock related questionsJason: i'm just asking what everyone else is putting in their mouths

4:04 PMJosh: indeed

...

4:09 PMJason: whoa dang

mike and I were wondering earlier if you could sell animal jizz to sperm banks

then we figured they could tell the difference just by looking at it

4:10 PMI had a thought that perhaps horse goop is yellow

but googiling horse jizz only gave me a series of pictures of ladies suckin off horses

:(

4:11 PMJosh: Some people find that hot... i am one of those. ;)

JK... I'm not a freak

4:12 PMI like dog porn

4:13 PMJason: I knew a guy in hike school who had a video called BLONDES BEHAVING BADLY

it was 3 dudes giving it to a golden retriever

(I have only heard about this, I have no visual confirmation)

((also it might have been 4 dudes))

4:14 PMJosh: That's pretty gross.

4:15 PMJason: I agree with you josh

4:18 PMJosh: For some reason that is really gross, but a girl sucking of a dog is still gross but doesn't feel as wrong.

off

Jason: well maybe it is because you assume the dog is being hurt in some way

but it does say BLONDES BEHAVING BADLY

4:19 PMputting the onus of this filthy act on that insatiable golden retriever

maybe she was BEGGING FOR it

4:20 PMJosh: nice play on words sir

DRAGON FIGHT!!!

7:05 PMJosh: THAT DUDE NEXT TO YOU NEEDS TO SHUT UP!!!

Jason: WHO IS HE ANYWAY

HURGLE BURGLE

7:06 PMJosh: The UPM on GARY's new show

Jason: WHO IS GARY!?????????

Josh: GB

the line producer on this show

7:07 PMJason: uhhhhh

could you be more specific?

me: on the TV show for which you've been a writers asst. for two seasons and worked in post for before that.

7:08 PMJason: phew

I'm drawing a blank here

what's his facial hair situation?

mustache or no?

7:09 PMJosh: None. No... but he does wears dragon laden attire

Jason: DRAGON FIGHT

oh wait

7:10 PMis he the boss of the place what bought me lunch all those years?

like the head lunch person?

7:11 PMJosh: yes... the head lunch person

7:12 PMThe Lunch producer

Jason: WHY DIDNT YOU SAY SO!

Being Ridiculous in 2012!!!

Perfect Strangers: Back to Mypos. Larry Appleton travels back to Mypos to save his deported cousin, Balki, from execution.

Tag: Being Ridiculous in 2012

artwork by: Samantha Hollingsworth

The All New DCL

Okay this is just DCL again, but We renamed it Triple Threat because it seems like the real shows name to us :)

Me and Jason's show about a guy who gets into car accident and ends up with three brains in his head to save the lives of all the passengers in his car (or whatever). They just happened to a Doctor, a Cop and a Lawyer... It's three procedurals in one, CBS's wet dream!!! This fall after NCIS Cleveland.

artwork by: Samantha Hollingsworth

How would you change your LUCK???

KILLL MY DOPPELGANGER: A Girl with the worst luck in the world finds a way to change it... Killing her doppelganger. Will this egregious act shift the tides of her dire straights her merry band of outcasts seems to think so.
It's a movie Idea I had while talking to a friend with the worst luck EVER!!!
Artwork: Samantha Hollingsworth

DCL

Me and Jason's show about a guy who gets into car accident and ends up with three brains in his head to save the lives of all the passengers in his car (or whatever). They just happened to a Doctor, a Cop and a Lawyer... It's three procedurals in one, CBS's wet dream!!! This fall after NCIS Cleveland.

Artwork: Samantha Hollingsworth

GOLDEN GHOULS

This is a poster from a movie in me and The Barche's Pilot: LONGFELLOW... Yes all the Golden Girls are in it Blanch is just featured because we needed more sex appeal than just Taylor Lautner... Also we couldn't afford Betty White partially because she is so HOT right now, but mostly because she is alive.

Art work by: Hamantha Sollingsworth

spell check by: Samantha Hollingsworth and Kat Hollon

BILLY THE ZOMBIE KID

Another poster... For a movie that doesn't exst.

This is another movie we might put in our pilot. It's based on a script Patrick and I really wrote called ...AND THE DEAD MAKE THREE... But for the purposes of terribling it up (even more) for the Idea Factory pilot, we'll use it's working title... BILLY THE ZOMBIE KID RIDES AGAIN AT FORT ZOMBIE.

Furthermore we are throwing out the actual plot and making it ridiculous. So the new plot is as follows: There are three months at the end of Billy the Kids life that are unaccounted for, before he was unceremoniously dispatched by Pat Garret... Why are the unaccounted for??? Because the dead don't keep good records. Billy and his gang have turned into zombies and have begun reeking havoc on the Southwest. The law seeks out only man who can stop him... Pat Garret. Pat and his team of zombie hunters are charged with the duty of tracking down and exterminating the zombie menace for the good of all mankind.

Yeah, that's a good enough premise as any.

Artwork by: BENJI SMITH

TIME SOLDIER POSTER

This is a reworked poster for a fictional movie that we're putting in our Pilot. The premise is as follows: Jason Statham travels through time fighting armies... ALL Armies all the time. His "ONLY" weapon... a T-Rex decked out with a robo-arm and laser cannon. Take that Holy Roman Empire. (Laser Blast)

TAGLINE: You and WHAT Army?

Artwork by: BENJI SMITH

Party Kids!

11:22 AM Jason: jossssssssh

...

11:44 AM Josh: Hey Buddy! You rested up after a along weekend of back breaking labor?

...

,

11:50 AM Jason: yes I feel good now

I FEEL GOOD

11:53 AM Josh: WORD!

How's the new place shaping up?

Jason: ow my back

Josh: NOOOO!!!!

Jason: it's looking nice

Josh: I have a hotpack

Jason: I mean the whole bills coming and work ending thing is a little bit you know, nerve inducing

11:54 AM do you ????

but I'm sure it'll work out

still trying to lock down some roommates for march

11:55 AM Josh: I here ya. I don't think my roommate is feeling it, but i'll see if we can't come by this week and at least take a look.

11:56 AM Jason: yeah know worries, just throwing it out there, all should come byPARTY HOUSE

(except when the landlord's kids are taking a nap, shuuush)

...

12:02 PM Josh: NO... WE PARTY!!! Napping or not! KIDS NEED TO PARTY... for more info check out my website.

12:03 PM www.PBS.ORG/PARTYKIDS

12:06 PM Jason: PARTYKIDS

wait is that real

cause all I see is WHOOPS

...

12:45 PM Josh: No it isn't real

...

12:58 PM Josh: I made up a show... about two rambunctious 8 year old kids, named Josh and Jason.

called PARTY KIDS

Jason: :O

12:59 PM Josh: Okay we made up the show, but I made up a name...a terrible name.

1:02 PM Jason: terrible - AWESOME

1:03 PM wow I botched that

...

1:08 PMJason: it is a great show

an average name

Josh: Slightly below average name

1:09 PM You want some lunch

...

1:11 PM Jason: oh god I can't order new internet service because my landlord hasn't paid his bill yet

frustration riiiiiising

1:12 PM Josh: What???

He needs to get his shit together

Jason: it will be an interesting conversation considering the language barrier

1:14 PM Josh: It must be a rule, that if you're going to own a property in CA you can't be a native, or have a grasp of the language.

1:16 PM At least if you are to run a property.

Jason: maybe buying property infects you with a virus that slowly kills your retention of your native language

1:17 PM right now we're only at a 5 on the racism scale

lets move this into 8

1:18 PM Josh: We also hate jews!

1:19 PM Oh...We are so racist. :D

This Shit is Boring Sometimes...

They can't all be exciting...

10:23 AM

Jason: GOOD MORNING

10:33 AM Josh: hey bud

10:50 AM Jason: whats the good news

11:08 AM Josh: nada... you?

11:11 AM Jason: :(

uh

uhhhhhh

let me think

11:12 AM Josh: yes?

11:13 AM Jason: nada

11:14 AM Josh: that's okay

11:15 AM this shit is boring sometimes

Jason The Teacher

Jason is such a good teacher you guys!

11:08 AM
Jason: you'll be getting your valentine's gift tommorow

;) ;) ;)

SORRY WRONG WINDOW

LOL

11:09 AM Josh: :'(

Jason: ROFLMAO

11:11 AM Josh: So who was that for? You have a special lady?

Jason: nah not this year

past 3 sorta

yes

but now

noooooo

nOOOOOOO

OH GOD THE PAIN

tears are flowing so fast

11:15 AM ok I'm over it

I can use that money to buy beer this year

right

RIGHT

HAHAHAHA

HAAHAHAAAAAAAABLOO BLOO BLOO

...

11:29 AM Josh: Jason it's okay... Once we get our web-series of us as 8 year olds up and running, you're gonna get so many chicks.

11:30 AM But seriously... are you cheating on me with this other IM person? Is it Anna? are you cheating on me with Anna? It's Anna, right?Do you guys have a show idea where you are 9 yr olds?

Jason: sniff no

it was all a ruse

I wanted you to think I was cool

:(

11:31 AM Josh: RIGHT! I've been burned by the likes of you before.

x-(

11:32 AM I wanted a suspicious emoticon, but this s the best I could do.

11:34 AM Jason: hmmmm

:-/

Josh: pretty good

11:35 AM :-/

but this <3>

Jason: I feel like
:(|)
Josh: That's awesome

11:36 AM Jason: B-)

Josh: Where'd you get the monkey?

Jason: it's like ordering animal style on the menu

11:37 AM here you do

: ( | )

but put it together

11:38 AM Josh: :(I)

Jason: almost

it's the one above the return key

Josh: it looks like a clam... or a vagina with an STD

11:39 AM :(|)

Jason: BAM

MAGIC

Josh: That was magical

11:42 AM Thanks J

I have a new way to impress the ladies... by that, I mean my mom

SON YOUR MOM'S A COUGAR IN THE SACK

11:22 PM Make it Stop Guys...please make it stop.

Jason: man your parents can party

I just hung out with them

right now

Josh: word

my mom is hammered

Jason: they are the bees knees

Josh: Just hammered

the cat's pajamas

Jason: does your mom get super hammered in front of you now

for reals

mine does

so does dad

then they recant

11:23 PM BOY SON YOUR MOM IS A COUGAR IN THE SACK

and I go

Oh god please no

Josh: no my mom and step-dad don't drink

but i feel your pain

11:24 PM my dad and step-mom get drunk and they are newlyweds and they get all huggy and shit it's gross.

Jason: ewwwwwwwww

old people being

physical

Josh: gross

11:25 PM my dad leaves his cialis and viagra rx out on the counter

Jason: do they take cialas

then get in bath tubs by the ocean

that seems to be how that stuff works

11:27 PM Josh: yeah and my dad has this band that reworks old songs into viagra jingles

It's Awesome!
They JAM!

You Want a Towel?

Jason and Josh lead a rich fantasy life...
5:52 PM
Jason: I am so sweaty

not in a good way

5:54 PM Josh: BOO HISS!!!

You want a towel?

5:55 PM Jason: thanks kid

(jason took off his jersey, and gave it to a young josh)

5:56 PM Josh: EWW!!! it's all sweaty and hairy...

Jason: so hairy

Josh: (Josh drops it and does a sissy dance)

(Like he's scared of the germs)

5:57 PM (He then puts it on and drinks copious amounts of antibacterial hand sanitizer)

6:00 PM Jason: eww

ewwwww

you crazy kid

6:01 PM Josh: Hey Jason, You suck!

(he then passes out)

Jason: :(

Josh: But, I don't think this is why

the kid in the scene does that, though

6:02 PM Jason: oh, ok good

Josh: A jersey killed his parents

he's bitter

Jason: that makes sense

Religion, Racism, and the Black Knight

Contrary to popular belief, we like to talk about the issues you guys...

12:04 PM
Jason: good morrow

fair botana

12:05 PM Josh: and the same to you fine sir

Jason: I'm stuck in medieval times

Josh: the fairest

Jason: the concept restaurant entertainment place

not back in time

Josh: I love that place. I'm glad they're letting you telecommute from your other job12:06 PM are you the black Knight yet?

Jason: we were just talking about black knight

it is so racist

he clearly goes back in time

but he's still all

WHERE THE KFC AT

12:07 PM Josh: yeah he likes chicken... but he's more of a Popeye's kind of knight... if you know what I mean.

12:08 PM Jason: he's black?

I don't get it

he's really black?

Josh: He's black???

12:09 PM ... No he likes Popeye's better because he's southern... you're a racist.

12:13 PM Jason: :(

why am I such a bad person

12:17 PM Josh: You're just as god made you Jason. Relish in that fact... God has forsaken you.

Jason: noooooooooo

12:18 PM VISHNU WHY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR FAVORITE SON

Josh: you're a jew

that's why

12:19 PM Jason: oh yeah

duh

I love draddles

Josh: I actually have no idea what you are, but I'm a guess... Catholic? or something WASPY

...

12:20 PMJason: Agnostic, but I appreciate the subtle racial undertonesJosh: I hate you

Jason: I believe mostly in ghosts and telepathy, and i feel like traditional religion doesn't satisfy those beliefs

12:21 PM me: I am also agnostic, but I meant, what you were raised?

12:22 PM Jason: i guess uh babtist

baptist

beeptossed

12:26 PM me: oh then, I really do hate you then. Being that I was raised catholic, or is it baptist that hate catholics?

12:27 PM anyway I could never hate you

TOP BUNK!

that's what I'll yell every time I come home to our new apt.

12:29 PM Jason: dang i wanted top bunk

baptist just think catholics are stupid

catholics think baptists are so retarded

something about jesus

12:30 PM is the main issue

12:31 PM me: Oh yeah, we put emphasis on different parts of the same book or something

Jason: the same book written by dudes thousands of years ago who were trying to explain why people do bad things

My Meth Lab is on Fire...

We get tired you guys...

1:05 PM

Josh: hey stompy

Jason: hey

uh

stompy

no wait

shit

Josh: you got nothing

Jason: :(

1:06 PM Josh: hey buck up classy gent

1:08 PM Jason: aw ok

happy stomp

Josh: that never gets old

1:12 PM Jason: ever

EVER

1:15 PM Josh: you busy up there today?

1:18 PM Jason: eh I've been doing some shit

1:19 PM and just trying to hustle it out

not because I care

but because I want to get back to my fan fiction

1:20 PM Josh: I hear that. I'm your # 1 fan fic fan... That Charles in Charge: Charles/Buddy fic is amazing

Jason: the mars adventure one?

yeah I'm proud of that one

1:21 PM Josh: OMG my FAV

1:22 PM or is that fave... anyway I love it.

Jason: ok good

FAVVVVVV

1:27 PM Josh: you are a fantastic fan fic writer

1:30 PM Jason: i try so hard

god damn i'm so tired

arhghhhhhhhhh

Josh: drink some coffee

or shoot some meth into your eyeball

1:31 PM Jason: but its so hot outside josh

so hot

meth is a good idea

i've never done it in my eyeball!

Josh: it'll wake you up.

Jason: ok gonna cook some meth

Josh: believe you me

Jason: brb

...

1:38 PM Jason: ok josh

1:39 PM my meth lab is on fire

suggestions

?

1:40 PM Josh: Do you have a fire extinguisher?

spray it into a bag and huff that...

Jason: i may have used the extinguisher to create the lab itself

Josh: it will fuck you up and you'll forget about the fire.

Jason: flames are on the alls now

1:41 PM walls

i'll take more meth

will that help

Josh: of course.

i'll call 911

1:42 PM you try and calm down.

Jason: ok

i'm tripping ballllls

1:43 PM Josh: did another one of your labs blow up this morning, maybe by the 405?

...

1:56 PM Jason: uh

uhhhhhhhhhhh

who's asking

1:58 PM Josh: not the police who are monitoring this IM with me... I mean not monitoring.

1:59 PM Jason: ok i've got good news and bad news

the good news is the fire is out

the bad news is I had to mix the water supply with all the on fire drugs to put it out

Josh: what!

2:00 PM Jason: sorry

I'm high as shit!

Josh: but I am so tired... and want to get high too.

2:01 PM oh well I'll just cook up a batch down here

Jason: ok

high five stomp